


What the Actual F*#@?

by Dophne



Series: Stony Bingo R2 2017 [2]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Sex, Shocking Revelations, Steve calls a sex phone work line, Steve wished he said no, Stony Bingo, Stony Bingo 2017, Truth or Dare, accidental confessions, but actually glad he said yes, doesn't go as planned, prompt fill: WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 21:04:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13221228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dophne/pseuds/Dophne
Summary: Well of all things to happen when he called the phone sex work line, Steve was not prepared for this. Maybe he should have...OrSteve is dared to call a phone sex hotline and things do not go as planned.





	What the Actual F*#@?

**Author's Note:**

> for the Stony Bingo 2017 Round 2 prompt fill: WTF? 
> 
> so here it is! I laughed while writing this. this is meant to be funny and not like super serious. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this!!! :DDD

It was game night but Steve was not that into it because Tony had bowed out early and Steve really wanted to spend time with him. Still, tonight had not been a bad night at all and he enjoyed himself. Sam was sitting next to him with a half drunk bottle of beer and the rest were sitting around them in a circle. The atmosphere was light and happy which was rare for them. Steve wished everyday was like today, villain free. 

 

“Let's play truth or dare,” Clint grinned mischievously shaking his empty bottle to be used. Thor cheered, Nat rolled her eyes, Bucky grumbled and Sam just clasped a hand on Steve's shoulder in encouragement. Steve reluctantly agreed even though he kind of wanted to bow out and meet Tony in his lab for a bit before sleeping. Instead he was starting another game. 

 

“Oh I got to move for this one,” Sam grinned asking Thor to switch places with him. Steve raised an eyebrow at his friend knowing full well why he moved. He wanted to get Steve. Sam had something planned for him and Steve dreaded it. 

 

“I will take the honor of first spin,” Clint placed the bottle in the center of the round table and spun the bottle. They waited until it slowed each with different expressions and for Steve all he could do was hope for it to land on someone else. 

 

He spoke too soon as the bottle came to a stop pointing between him and Sam. Sam looked up at him with a large grin knowing full well that he was going to regret agreeing to play this game. “This is going to be fun!” He paused to look at Steve studying his response so Steve just raised his eyebrow challengingly, “First, truth or dare?”

 

Steve studied Sam’s face knowing full well he would continue to play until he got what he wanted so Steve decided to end his misery early, “Dare.”

 

“Yes! My friend Tray gave me this number on my birthday, don't ask, but like it's for a sex phone worker line-OW! I  _ said  _ don't ask!- anyways I dare you to call and talk to one of them for ten minutes in another room but we get to listen into the conversation through JARVIS.” 

 

Clint began to laugh hard while Thor began to sing praises and also get enthusiastic about this but the two Russian assassin spies just looked at Steve curiously in response. Steve was one thing but he was not a coward, “hit me it on my phone. I will go to the otherside of this room.” Sam smiled triumphantly. 

 

Steve seriously considered getting new friends. They were all traitors to him. He should have called it quits and went to see Tony instead. At least Tony would have a nicer way of asking. 

 

He glared at them all and they gave cheeky grins/smirks back at him as he got up and moved into position. Just as he came to a stop at the window Steve felt a small ding notifying him that he got the number. Steve could think of many ways to get back at Sam but that would have to wait until later. For now the challenge. 

 

He could do this. He was Captain Fucking America! He could take down his enemy with ease! This was going to be easy. Steve did not know the other person on the other side of the line and they did not know him, so why did it matter who he talked to? Just act like it's the most normal conversation of al- “JUST CALL ALREADY-OW!” Clint hollered from the across the room looking annoyed at the lack of action. Steve did not bother to look back instead he kept his eyes out the window trying to center himself. 

 

After waiting one more moment, Steven Grant Rogers called a sex phone call service. This should _never_ go into the history books. 

 

“ _ Hello welcome to the Night Time Tight Time phone line,”  _ a voice spoke up into the earpiece, “ _ would you like to see our options available for tonight?”  _

 

Steve was tempted to say no and hang up but he just gave a sure, “yes.” 

 

“ _ Thank you for choosing our services. We offer times as little as thirty minutes to four hours,”  _ The voice informed Steve. Sam only said ten minutes but Steve was stuck with half an hour minimum. 

 

He could hear the rest of the team chuckle and laugh at the prospect of Steve entertaining some stranger for an half an hour at least trying to talk dirty but the joke was on them. Steve was not shy. He could talk dirty to anyone if he wanted he just chose not to. “Half an hour please,” Steve requested shifting in his spot taking a seat at the closest chair he found. 

 

“ _ Would you like to pick or should we choose someone randomly? We offer detailed analysis of our clients to those who sign up for our premium program would you like to do so?”  _ The voice asked Steve and waited for his reply. He was half tempted to trick the rest and agree to the detailed analysis but instead asked if he could pick one out. 

 

“I would like to pick the Golden Captain,” Steve answered back and the rest of the avengers oohed and aahed at his choice before laughing. They all knew why he picked it but he did not comment as the line began to ring. 

 

“ _ Why hello, sir. This is the Gold-” “ _ What the actual fuck?” Steve cut in so shocked that even the other avengers did not know what was happening. 

 

“ _ Um, sir, I don-”  _ “Tony?” Steve was flabbergasted not letting the man, no  _ Tony,  _ speak. 

 

“ _ I am the Golden Captain,”  _ Tony responds on the phone trying to continue their conversation back to the topic at hand. 

 

“No, you are Tony Stark,” Steve presses into the phone even more sure of himself than before. 

 

“ _ A lot of people have told me I sounded like him,”  _ Tony tried to play Steve a fool. 

 

“You don’t think I know Tony Stark’s voice better than I know anyone else’s? I have studied and listened to that voice so much in my head that I could tell it from an imposter’s in a second? No, you are Tony I just don’t understand how the man I have loved for  _ years  _ works on a sex phone line when he’s is a fucking  _ billionaire,”  _ Steve growled back blindly not thinking about what he has said. 

 

“ _ What?”  _ Tony asked sounding shocked himself. 

 

“What?” Steve parroted dumbly not really knowing where this was going or how either of them got here. 

 

Suddenly the line went dead and Steve was left sitting staring at out the window in total shock as the realization of what he just said to Tony dawned on him. He just sat there frozen not really reacting when the rest of the Avengers crowded around him half-laughing and half-panicking at his unresponsiveness. 

 

“That came out better than I could have ever planned it,” Sam exclaimed smacking Steve on his shoulder blade knocking him out of his head a bit, “now, go down to the lab and go get him you idiot.” 

 

Steve turned to look at Sam who looked at him with a smug smile and a raised eyebrow waiting for his words to sink in. It was as if the world was running at a faster speed and Steve was having a hard time catching up. So he closed his eyes and refocused himself before moving towards the elevator doors. 

 

Steve was going to go get his Tony. That man was too precious for him to lose even if it meant staying friends forever. When he got there and somehow, miraculously, spoke to Tony before his friend put his workshop on full lockdown he was able to convince the genius that he meant every word and that he cared not what he did as a hobby. Tony blushingly confessed his feelings to Steve while turning more red at the discovery of his nightly hobbies. 

 

“It...helps me with my mind when it gets too busy,” Tony tries to explain but Stebe shook his head with a soft smile. 

 

“Hey don't need to explain it to anyone,” Steve soothes making Tony look up at him with his doe eyes. Steve could just melt into those eyes. 

 

“Well if you want...you could always call me instead,” Steve whispers into Tony's ear, “there are so many things I want to do to you but most of all I want to hear your fantasies of us.” 

 

Tony groaned and looked Steve in the eyes studying to see if he spots any lies. The silence went on forever and Steve began to wonder if he overstepped if he misinterpreted Tony's words when the man just nodded and said, “I say  _ showing  _ is always better than telling. Come on soldier take me on a  _ ride.”  _

 

Steve willingly followed along as Tony dragged him towards the old couch at the corner of the workshop. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [My Tumblr](https://queendophne.tumblr.com) I post a lot of my art there as well as stony posts!


End file.
